


Eden of aftermath.

by elysivms



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Mania, Mental Instability, POV Third Person, Relationship(s), Self-Doubt, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 04:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19265824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysivms/pseuds/elysivms
Summary: I got inspired for this short little insight when I had another episode. I don't know everything about bipolarity, but I know that many of his symptoms overlap with mine.I know it's messily written, but yes, that's the point.





	Eden of aftermath.

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired for this short little insight when I had another episode. I don't know everything about bipolarity, but I know that many of his symptoms overlap with mine.  
> I know it's messily written, but yes, that's the point.

Minute by minute they had said.

Yet Eliott was in no state to take it that far. Second by second was rather the solution in this very moment.

He has been feeling down the past days, the only achor he had was Lucas. They’ve been dating for a year and he loved him with his whole heart, soul and mind. But some days, he felt like everything was going too fast, that his life was deforming and he had no control over it anymore.

His mind was racing, he couldn’t even stand his own presence anymore.

 _Silence_.

That’s what he needed as he laid widely spread on the grass, under a large tree which gave him shelter from the hot sun. Everything felt so beautiful, natural, balanced and in place. No noises. Just the birds shirping and wind flooding through the leaves.

There’s was a decent fresh smell from the wildflowers beneath him. They blossomed in their beautiful vibrant hues.

 _Peace_.

The gras tickled his arms, almost soothing his tears which began to fade, to dry on his cheeks. He felt miserable, that’s what his brain told him to feel. That’s what he is. Miserable.

 _Pain_.

Sometimes it ceased, sometimes it came back with even more force. Certain events in his life which he couldn’t let go. He wondered if that’s what death felt like, if there was even a life after death.. whether it was Heaven, Hell, reincarnation or soul wandering spiritually. Whether it was peaceful or in agony.

Sometimes he wanted to know how it would be. Just to flee from his reality. But deep down, it never mattered to him, he just wanted to stop feeling disgust for himself.

For the people he’s hurt and made cry, for his ex lovers who couldn’t stand his presence, which was fine because he couldn’t either.. but there’s always something special about each of them.

_Someone special._

His name was  _Lucas_.

How bright his eyes would shine, whether he smiled or cried. Those ocean blue eyes, which mirrored the sky perfectly on hot summer days with those unbelievably long lashes whenever he looked up at Eliott. Those beautifully inviting pink lips with the little smile he gave Eliott whenever he wanted to be kissed.

_Oh that smile._

Suddenly he feels those phantom illusions. How soft Lucas’ hair in his hand feels, and how it sometimes tickled his chest when he laid ever so peacefully atop of him.

He touches his chest with a  _smile_ , placing his left hand on his heart.

A body, so beautifully carved, fitting to his own. The nudity they shared which each other was always intimate, but not necessarily sexual. Of course their sex was satisfying, but the touch of his hands alone all over Eliott’s body is what he craved. The feeling of being so close to someone, feeling so connceted to someone. It was special.

_He couldn’t let go._

That’s what Eliott realises right there on this very moment.

He turns his phone on, seeing that he’s got 16 missed calls and several text messages from Lucas and his friends. It hadn’t mattered to Eliott how it would make Lucas or anyone else feel.

Sometimes he was selfish. It felt too surreal to have someone love someone like you.

He calls Lucas.

**_Beep._ **

**_Beep._ **

**_Be-_ **

“ ** _Eliott_**?  _Eliott_ , putain! Are you alright?”

He doesn’t answer.

Eliott breahes into the air.

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

“Eliott,  ** _please_**..  _please talk to me.   **Where are you?**_ ”

He hears Lucas voice  _break_.

He doesn’t answer.

Yet.

“ _ **Fuck, Eliott** …  **please**. I  **love you**_.”

Lucas is  ** _crying_**.

“ _Shh_.” Eliott simply replies.

“Lucas?” He starts.

“Yes,  _Baby_?”

“ _I love you_.”

“ _Christ_ , Eliott,  _I love you too. Baby, please tell me where you are_.”

“It feels like Heaven.”

_“What did you do.. **fuck Eli-** ”_

“Nothing.  ** _Thinking_**. A lot  _about you_. Every minute all over again.” He cut him off.

“ ** _Eliott_**..” Lucas pleads.

“Shh,  _minute by minute._ ”

“Of course. I’m just  _worried_  about you. I couldn’t reach you for hours. You weren’t at your hiding place either..”

“I’ve been thinking.” Eliott says simply.

“About us?”

“Yes, and  _death_.”

“You needn’t worry about death. I’m here for you. Please tell me where you are.”

 _“I want you to hold my hand._ ”

“I’ll hold your hand.  _For the rest of your life_.. just.. just tell me where I can find you…”

“The woods. Near a lake. Wildflowers. I don’t know how I got here. I just kept walking.”

“ _Baby_ , can you send me your location.”

“I will.

\- And  _Lucas_?”

“ _Yes_?”

 _“Please never let me go alone again_. No matter which path it will be. It’s  _scary_  knowing that you’re not here with me. No matter how beautiful the  _illusion_  can be in my in  _mind_. You’re my  _peace_ , you’re the kind of  _silence_  which stops my head from spinning. Y _ou’re what I deeply need_ ,  ** _always_**. No matter how hard I try ro deny it.”

Eliott says with a chuckle and another tear in his eye. 

He hangs up without saying another word and sends Lucas his location.

He was such an idiot sometimes.

So  _irrational_.

But that’s why he had Lucas.

To remind him of that.


End file.
